I turned my computer on just to distract myself a bit. I couldn’t think of anything to do so I started browsing some old music. While scrolling down the list I came across a song I hadn’t heard for a long time. I played the song and tried to focus my attention on the lyrics. I closed my eyes but my vision didn’t go blank, all this was being done by the song I was listening to, stirring up all the old memories I thought I’d never be able to recall again, may be cause I didn’t want to.
Reluctantly I let myself flow with the stream of memories. It reminded me of all the days and nights we spent talking about music, about the songs you loved and that was a sufficient reason why I loved them too, about all the songs you dedicated to me and we never needed a VJ or RJ to do that for us. It felt like I was being pushed into a world that was once real, but now it all felt like a distant dream, just a flash of memory.
Each sentence in the lyrics brought some new memory to my mind. It was all a mix of good and bad moments. Moments I never wanted to let go of and moments I never wanted to see in my life.
Amid all this stream of memories, the song ended. I opened my eyes and I couldn’t realize what expression I was wearing on my face. It felt like I had a smile on my face and at the same time I could feel saline moisture in my eyes.
I turned the PC off and went to find something else to beg some distraction from. I turned on the TV and coincidentally, luckily or ‘unfortunately’ one of my favorite movies was being aired. Just minutes after I’d started watching it, I felt like you were there sitting beside me, that time felt not so long ago when we both watched that movie together on that very sofa. It reminded me of the time when we discussed each and every scene of the movie.
I turned off the TV too and went out to breathe some fresh air. The sky outside was filled with dark clouds which always made me so happy but today they seemed to be laughing at me, suffocating me, sucking out happiness from deep down inside of my soul.
Moments later I felt droplets fall on my face and it started raining. Rain brought the most painful memories of all, it reminded me of all the wounds I thought had healed, but I was wrong.
Why does the best time subsequently turns into worst memories? This question bothers me every now and then.
Now, there was nowhere else I could go. I had to endure the pain, I had to give in.
Whole Universe seemed to be confederate, ripping open all my wounds so ruthlessly.
They say that its been so long since you left me, but I deny them. That’s because its only me who knows.. You’re all around me !